you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
