Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
