Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
