i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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