Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
