how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
sex in a hospital.. check
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize