There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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