My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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