You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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