ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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