You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
