captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
