Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
