I am in a vortex of obligation.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
