he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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