That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
should my penis look like a turkey
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
