Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
