and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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