I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
