Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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