Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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