don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
