um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
