This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
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I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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