we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize