Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
