I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
