Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
