guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
