I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
