Apparently you make a good broom.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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