it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize