New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
