I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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