I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
