it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
