I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
