Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
