So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
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