how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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