i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
