PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
