shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
