she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
