I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
