i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
