If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
