this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
