i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
