tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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