I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
