Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
