i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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