Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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