please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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