I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
