After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
