youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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