Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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