I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
