So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
