He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
