The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize