a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
